we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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