Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Is it because I queefed?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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