this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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