the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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