Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
