the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize