I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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