dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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