Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
