chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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