i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
