My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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