I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Terrible idea I love it
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
