At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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