the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
