my sisters under your porch take her home
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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