We're like a lot better than the average bears
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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