she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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