You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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