and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
