Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
