I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
