Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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