as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
