Rock
Scissors
Fuck
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
