actually, I'm a sock model
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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