my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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