This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
