It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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