If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
