Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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