Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
