my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
