she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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