I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
