Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
