Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
