I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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