Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
