ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
