I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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