How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
pray to the hookup gods
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
