Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
