I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
