i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
