I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
