Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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