KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
