I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
