I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
