Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
