tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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