WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
