Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
