dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
