Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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