So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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