My friends, they love my intelligence
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
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