It's like God shit irony all over that family
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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