ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
