I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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