Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
It was confusing and full of hummus
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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