Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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