I accidentally had phone sex last night
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Randomize
