Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Randomize
