you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
