well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Its about making memories worth repressing
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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