you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
