If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Fuck appropriateness.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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