Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
