I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
