how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
We are two peas in an std pod
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
