yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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