Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
