Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
cat food counts as protein by the way
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize