I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
