Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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