i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
