so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize