Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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