I wish my penis had an off switch
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
