what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
