the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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