My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize