I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Acid is not a monday night drug
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize
