I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
