i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
This toilet bowl is my home.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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